Thursday 31 January 2013

LOSS


"Waking up begins with saying 'am' and 'now'. For the past eight months waking up has actually hurt. Cold realization that I'm still here, slowly sets in. I was never terribly fond of waking up. I was never one to jump out of bed and greet the day with a smile like Jim was...only fools could possibly escape the simple truth that now isn't simply now. Its a cold reminder one day later than yesterday, one year later than last year and that sooner or later, 'it' will come. He used to laugh at me and then give me a kiss on the cheek. 
        It takes time in the morning for me to become George, time to adjust to what is expected of George and how he is to behave. By the time I'm dressed... I know fully what part I am supposed to play. Looking in the mirror, staring back at me isn't so much a face as the expression of a predicament: "Just get through the Goddamn day." 
            Bit melodramatic I guess but then, my heart has been broken. I feel as if I'm sinking. Drowning. Can't breathe. For the first time in my life I can't see my future. Everyday goes by in a haze. But today, I have decided, will be different." 

Opening lines taken from the film 'A Single Man', produced by Tom Ford, adapted from the novel of the same name by Christopher Isherwood.   




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